Should I let my 16-year-old daughter smoke cigarettes at home so she won’t go behind my back and find trouble?

My daughter recently admitted she’s taken up smoking at work, school, etc. While my wife and I are not thrilled, we understand the point in life she has reached and the experimentation that goes with adolescence. It’s a phase that she’ll likely move on from and we’re not interested in any kind of harsh punishment. Our main concern is the people this habit can lead her to, not so much the smoking itself. Now the controversial part; we are considering allowing our daughter to smoke socially with several conditions, such as smoking at our household or in our presence elsewhere rather than with anonymous friends where she is unsupervised. She’ll also be expected to curb her use. Please don’t harp on the legality. I am aware that it’s illegal, but we think she will be better off not smoking with friends and is more likely to not be addicted in the long run. She is a straight-A student with no other bad habits, is very honest and is as mature as any 18-year-old.

My wife and I don’t smoke.

87 Answers

  • mmturtle
    1 month ago

    Be a parent. NO SMOKING ANYWHERE. Don’t you care about her health??? Or just her spoiled-ness???

  • Anonymous
    5 days ago

    I wonder how many of these people who are telling you that you’re a bad mother actually have children, and how they would actually prevent their kids from smoking. If teens want to smoke then they’ll do it regardless of what you try to do to punish them. Infact, it will probably make them even more determined to smoke. You can’t be with them all the time. They’ll smoke when they’re out with friends or at school. As for calling the police, well I don’t know where you’re from but here they would only really be interested in the person who sold the cigarettes. I think telling the police is just taking things a bit far, lol. You have every right to ban her from smoking in the house. It’s your house and your rules, and especially since you have a kid with asthma. Be tough with her and put your foot down. All you can really do is to obviously warn her of the dangers of smoking, tell her you’re disappointed that she chose to smoke, and the other thing that you could do is to limit the amount of money you give her.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Problem is, by allowing her to smoke at home you are telling her it’s acceptable behaviour and you are telling her you’d put your home and family at risk for second hand smoke.

    It’s not dangerous to smoke away from you, and you can be sure that just because she will be smoking with you won’t mean she wont do it without you there anyways as well. You’ll just be catering to her and she will get away with it.

    Is your home smoke free? b.c if it is, I wouldn’t allow my family members to get asthma and get sick because of her. That’s really wrong in all aspects.

    When my sister was younger and caught for smoking the rule was she had to walk down the street or be outside and away from the family when she did it. Not like anyone can stop them, but my parents could show that they disaproved and taht their home would be off limits. Makes the habit very hard to keep up with.

    Letting her smoke socially with everyone at home is letting what you want her to know as “wrong” as “fun” now.

    Smoking usually never stays a phase. It usually ends up an addiction that is very hard to quit. I don’t understand why you think your daughter is an exeption to the rule. A drug is a drug is a drug and they are addicting. It doesnt matter how straight A of a student you are.

    It’s just how it works.

    Make it a very hard task for her to do.

    It’s not the same as drinking acohol, the chances are she’s not going to take so many she will overdose or abuse them.

    You’re probably safe there.

    Making it easier on her is not going to teach her anything though.

    My sister was told smoking nowhere was allowed! It was a huge disaproved thing. She was yelled at and punished.

    Howeverm you’re right, you can’t stop them-So she was told it better be far off our property.

    This stopped me from being punished! Imagine her allowed to smoke in the house? I’d be dying and choking on that foul smell.GROSS.

    you hav eto be the boss and say no!

    set boundaries.

    stop spoiling.

    disciplin is a good thing.

    I knew a man who smoked….he died of throat cancer. Does she know about the risks?

    The way you speak about her not being able to get an addiction makes me think you have given her the mindframe that she doesn’tapply to the facts..Let her know she does!

  • Kristin D
    1 month ago

    Both my parents are big time smokers, and they had three kids, me, my little sister, and our little brother. We were all 12 months apart, and yet only our little brother smokes regularly. He started smoking when he was 16 also, and they just made it clear that they would not support his habits. I really don’t think you’re going to be able to make her stop, so what I suggest you do is let her smoke around you. If you and your wife don’t smoke, then I’d have her do it outside on the porch or something so your house doesn’t get all stained up and smelly. My little brother is 18 now and I think the only reason he’s not a pack a day or more smoker is because he didn’t have to hide it from my parents. They did however make him smoke outside until he was of legal age, but that was mostly because it upset my mother. Good luck on this issue.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    First off, like everyone else i say no to the smoking as well. If you let her smoke, especially around you, then she will think it is ok to do so and might possible try more things, and you don’t want her to do that. If you want to get her to stop smoking, you have to give her a hard lesson…and i don’t mean punishment. The best thing to do is find someone who has smoked, an show her now horriable shape they are in now. This mom one time caught her son smoking, rather then punish him she took him to a retirement home an showed him the affects of smoking, if you could find someone who breaths out of there neck would be a big example (since this scares young girls), or just find someone who is having a hard time and let them talk to your daughter about it and how they wished they wouldnt of smoked, or even show pictures of what could happen inside her lungs. I think that will make a bigger impact then anything, it will show her what can happen and give her a dose of reality. You wont be punishing her, since i also agree that you don’t wanna punish your kid for being honest, it is great that your daughter was so honest with you, but it will show her what can happen, and will inform her of the risks, which is very important. If she thinks continueing to smoke is ok, as much as i hate to say this, then i would probably go ahead with your plan so you dont’ have to worry about her getting in trouble. But hope this helps.

  • Mildred S
    1 month ago

    You become her enabler then and that’s not a good position for you to be in. You also put yourself and wife at risk for second hand smoke (yes it can cause cancer). You can’t micromanage her behavior but you can set the rules within your own house. You can also control who she sees. Anonymous freinds don’t cut it in this day / age. You should always know who she is seeing and when she’s expected back . If she’s as mature as an 18 year old , she will understand and respect the laws that tell her that she can’t smoke in a restaurant ( or your house) . I don’t think you can “curb” her use at home ? Your furniture / linens will smell. My aunt recently died of lung cancer. It was a direct link to smoking she could never kick. These tobacco companies knew what they were doing . Your child should not be a victim too! Protect her. Don’t take the easy way out / take the high road.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    That is a tough one. I would say no if she at least doesn’t smoke at home she is going to smoke less. If you let her smoke at home that’s not going to help anything because unless you forbid her to see her friends she will still have an opportunity to experiment with more things. As easy as you take the smoking she is going to think your not going to be that hard on her if she does more. I may be biased tho because I had a bad experience with cigarettes my dad started smoking when he was 18 as the years went on he eventually became a chain smoker and then at 45 he passed away of lung cancer I was only 16 years old. Therefore I hate cigarettes something as stupid as that can cause so much damage.

  • justa
    1 month ago

    Gee, thats the same argument I gave my parents forty five years ago. But we know more now. Shes not going to meet any more undesireables smoking than not smoking. If shes smoking, she has become the undesirable to other, nonsmoker parents. Its the chemicals in the cigarette that are addictive, not the social custom of smoking.

    Since you don’t smoke the smell is going to be pretty disgusting for you, and you don’t want her stinking up your home or your clothes and hair. With that understanding make sure she doesn’t smoke at home, but on the patio, or terrace, just as in many workplaces, second hand smoke is dangerous to you. Shes already defied your request that she not smoke at all, why on earth do you think she will listen at all to you when it comes to being unsupervised now?

    You are giving up your moral high ground here, and for no purpose at all. Shes not mature, mature people don’t use chemical pacifiers and thats what a cigarette is. Her stress levels, between school and working and making straight As may be too much for her and thats why shes smoking. If you can afford it, let her be a kid and not work.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    If she was my child I would by her a case of cigarettes and make her smoke the whole thing until she turns green. Then stick her clothes in her closet so she is reminded of it for a long time. I have a friend that just let her daughter smoke because it was just phase and she is still smoking after 30 years and trying to stop now. She thinks it’s cool will I would show her just how cool it really is. Yellow teeth, skin and hair, the stink is unbearable.

    I guarantee it will work. make sure she smoke enough she won’t want so smoke anymore.

  • kykygoo
    1 month ago

    well. see, this is a tough one because I don’t smoke [im fifteen] and Iam trying to see what it would be like to have this situation. Im guessing you have been really great parents seeings how she’s came and told you about it- but was she asking or basically just letting you know? Maybe if you tell her you really don’t want her to be doing this do to the harmfulness of it, but she may do what she wants as long as she promises not to start lying about it. maybe you could ask her to only smoke like 1-3 cigarettes a day but to be careful because every one who smokes truthfully admits they wish they could quit, and that it is such an expense she could avoid it all by just not smoking. Well im not sure If i helped but like I said you seem to be a great parent since you’re daughter is telling you she smokes and she has straight As so if that is the case she will probably tell you anything she is involved in in the future depending on how you take this.

    You’re probably right, it won’t last long…. just I would make sure to tell her to buy her own cigarettes.

    ♥ Good Luck ♥

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    No. I would not let my daughter ever smoke and if she admitted that she has been you should really talk to her about the dangers of smoking. Even though it’s not proven that smoking causes cancer it is highly correlated. Along with the other diseases and problems it can cause later in life, just because she’s mature doesn’t mean that this is the right choice for her. Mind you, if you asked her she would tell you that it’s all her decision but I’m sure that some peer pressure influence has come into play here. No one ever starts smoking because they want to… It’s always because they want to conform and fit into a group. Just think about it. Also, by letting her smoke at home only further allows her to do want she wants… she’s 16 and is smoking… what will she want when she’s 18

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