Ok, so my wife is always sick with something, and it’s getting to me. She’s been like this since shortly after we met (we’ve been together for 4 years). I don’t doubt that she is truly in pain most of the time, but she sees the inside of an ER about 30 times a year, conservatively. For migraines, stomach pain, and womanly issues. I love her very much. But, when she’s sick she’s rather mean to me and the kids, and also incapable of taking care of them. I’m starting to lose it. I care about her deeply, and I feel terrible for even feeling this way. But, I am absolutely sick of the woa is me attitude all the damn time. And I kind of get the feeling that it may be because her parents never her gave her any attention. Now, i don’t think she’s lying…i just think she’s exaggerating and may have a weak immune system. I don’t know, i mean, either way I can’t see myself living like this for the rest of my life. That’s a terrible thing to hear myself say or think, but she’s only 24, and I find it all a bit ridiculous. I just don’t know what to do. I feel awful, but at the same time I think i have a right to feel this way. I’m only in my 20s, i’m healthy, ambitious, and generally happy while she is a constant downer. she’s always being negative when she’s sick (which is often). I’ve tried to talk to her about it and she just gets mad. And now when she gets sick and depressed, i treat it like it’s routine because it is for me; but, that makes her freak out even more, saying that I don’t care about her anymore. I really don’t don’t know what to do here. And, i really don’t know what kind of answer i’m looking for. I mean, can i really leave a woman because she’s sick all the time? is that fair?
sorry for the rambline, please help though.
sorry for the rambline, please help though.
She does see a regular phsyician, but her insurance has changed several times as our jobs have gotten better. So, i don’t think she’s been with one long enough to produce a solid diagnosis.
She does see a regular phsyician, but her insurance has changed several times as our jobs have gotten better. So, i don’t think she’s been with one long enough to produce a solid diagnosis.
I’m not asking for hateful answers or anyone calling me a loser, I don’t think you know anything about me or her for that matter.
I’m not asking for hateful answers or anyone calling me a loser, I don’t think you know anything about me or her for that matter.
17 Answers
Do the doctors have an answer as to what is causing her illness or are they just as baffled as you are? I don’t think that you are wrong for having the feelings you are having because living with someone who is constantly sick can take a toll on you both mentally and physically.
My first advice would be to get to the bottom of what is really wrong with her be it a physical or possible mental ailment. Find a good doctor or specialist who can treat her. Then help her to recover because being that you both are so young, I’m sure neither want to live their life the way it has been another 60 years or so.
Has she been to a psychologist? Who, here on yahoo, can say if she is really physically sick or not? But visiting an emergency room that often is just not normal for a girl so young. I mean, what do the doctors say? Have you had an open and honest discussion with one of these doctors about any possible need for counceling? You have to be proactive about this. Leaving her is just going to make her worse. And if she’s been like this since you’ve been dating, then you married her and had kids with her knowing all of this too. Like I said, it’s time you got down to the bottom of this. Speak to a professional and be there in the doctors room with her if you can and see what is really going on with her. I know if can be frustrating & hard to stay happy at times. Remember, proactive is the word. Speak to her doctors and be frank with them. Tell them your concerns.
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
my wife is always sick, and i'm getting tired of it?
Ok, so my wife is always sick with something, and it's getting to me. She's been like this since shortly after we met (we've been together for 4 years). I don't doubt that she is truly in pain most of the time, but she sees the inside of an ER about 30 times a year,…
I think you need to take the advice people have already given you. Talk to your wife and her parents; and tell them that you cannot and will not live like this anymore. So….Find out WHAT is wrong…and face it.
Send your wife to a reputable psychiatrist (he is both a mind doctor AND a medical doctor; so he can evaluate her mental stability and health)…and prescribe pills in case he feels she needs them.
Then, have her checked by another MD and see if he agrees with the first things the psychiatrist found out.
If your wife is sick, she needs help. And not addressing the situation once and for all is making you live stressed out all the time.
I wouldn’t like to be in your shoes…so do whatever you need to in order to find out : 1) IF she is really sick: 2) To what extent her sickness is serious; 3) What you can do about it, and expect as well; and 4) What kind of support you can get from your inlaws. If not financial, maybe they can help out with the kids when she is really in pain.
Good luck. I know what it feels like to be really, really ill…and it is horrible! But find out if she is truly sick…or not.
Of course she freaks out, you aren’t playing her game anymore. Yes, I believe you are right that she uses illness to get attention, but I have a feeling that she is not really in pain all the time. Why is she going to the ER instead of family physician? I’ll tell you why, because a family physician would see through the ailments she is presenting and send her to a psychologist. I tink your best bet is to confront her about this and insist on her going to a regular physician for a full work-up and if nothing is wrong insist she go to a psychologist. This problem is fixable, so try some problem solving before going down the divorce route.
yep being a married single parent stinks. Anyway, one day the hunting will end and he will be stuck up your butt all the time. So enjoy his absence because you will long for those days later on. As far as doing things without your son, That is hard for me to swallow, I could not imagine doing anything without my daughter, I loved taking her everywhere, but my husband would watch her if I needed to run somewhere quickly, but for the most part she went most places with me. If you are really desperate to get out for a while alone……then tell him early in the week that you need him to put his daddy pants on, and watch the child on Sat. so that you can go shopping or get your hair done. If he gives you any lip about it, then remind him that he has been hunting every weekend since hunting season started, and it is not like you are asking for the whole weekend, just a few hours.
I think that she may need counseling to deal with her hypochondria. But you may need counseling to learn how to deal with it. It’s not going to be an easy fix. The only person you can “fix” is yourself- I suggest you speak with a professional (even for a short time) to learn new techniques to play down her sicknesses. Best of luck to you.
Seems to me she is craving attention and a lot of women, including myself, tend to use the “I’m sick” card to get out of her responsibilities, its sort of a cop out, and it will make her lazy. I can almost bet she has lost interest in everything, right? She may in fact be depressed, but the issue is saving your marriage. Depression can cause body aches and unexplainable illness, but she needs to get her act together and work this out with you. My husband pretty much laid everything out on the table and I got my **** together. You may have to do the same, but don’t get upset, make your case clear and show how much you love and care for her, but tell her how you feel.
If you knew she was like this while you were dating her and her “sickness” bothered you so much, then why did you end up marrying her?….Anyways, it sounds like your wife is suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which can include both physical and mental symptoms, including depression…….I don’t know what else to tell you….If she isn’t getting results from the doctor she is going to now, then she needs to get a new physician who can better diagnose her health problems……..Hang in there and Good Luck……..
Maybe you’re wife has a type of disease,Or maybe she catches things more then you think.The best thing to do if she catches colds alot is to have her wear a mask around her mouth..You’re wife is being mean to you and the children because she is having tantrums from the sickness getting to her..
P.S.By mask I mean the type of mask’s doctors use during surgery.
XoXo–Ambaa○♥○