I suffer from anxiety and moderate depression. I’m on medication and it’s helping but I still have bursts of anger and sadness. It’s an emotional and physical drain on my wife, sometimes I get so bad that I just have to get up and leave our house and go for a walk or go out to a store and look around. I, sometimes am so mean to my wife, I sometimes forget she’s the one I feel in love with. I use her as an out with my anger (I’m not abusive verbally or physically) I just treat her terribly.
She deserves so much better than me, she is an amazing and beautiful person who deserves so much more. I am such a burden on her. She denies that I’m a problem, and she told me she’d stay by my side forever. I feel the same about her, but, I honestly don’t want her anymore. I want her to find someone who doesn’t have the problems, issues and needs that I have. Everyone deserves to have a happy, healthy and fun life. I am willing to give her up for someone who could give her so much more. I’m finally strong enough to say “I’m not good enough, I’m more of a problem than a solution. You deserve better than me, find someone who can make you happy”.
She wont find anyone else who will make her happy. You will hurt her terribly for no reason at all if you leave her. Yeah you may have your problems, but she married you for a reason and marriage means you’ll be together forever no matter what. Just because you think she deserves better, it doesn’t mean she thinks so. So you say you treat her terribly, and you put her through all this stuff, and then you go and leave her. Then you’ve put her through all of this for nothing? You’re obviously not that kind of guy if you can see that you could treat her better. So go get help, and see a doctor and continue to love your wife as she loves you.
My Wife Deserves Better
She bloody loves you!!
You have such a low self esteem it’s destroying her and you. get help, and I mean not by pills. She seems like the person that will still love you even though you have no self respect, which is what’s happening now. If you continue to hate yourself you are going to be unhappy for the rest of your self and it has nothing to do with you being married. You could be married to a pig.
Ask yourself why you got married in the first place. Was it the belief that she would make you a perfect person? I think you can count yourself very lucky as she seems to love you no matter what.
But it is your responsibility to take care o you.
Just because another person loves you the way you are doesn’t mean you do. But because someone does , it’s easy to not love ourselves and forget to take care of our own health, well being, etc.
I suggest you ( re )gain some self respect before you do anything. This may be anger management courses, gym, running, good food, me time and travelling perhaps. But it does sound like a very deep rooted self disrespect I’m afraid. Whatever you do, cherish your wife and as long as you explain to her what is going on, you will most likely be fine.
No one is perfect.
Your mom is very wise and you’d be even wiser to listen to her. We always think that the one that got away was the special one. Most of the time it ain’t true, so knock it off. Tell your ex that you love your wife too much to do this to her and that all contacts between you and her are to cease. Both of you have made your choices. Now stick with them. You are trying to convince yourself that the magic is still there, that she’s like a drug to you. Go for therapy to find out why you’re so willing to screw up your life for a fantasy. You’ve married your wife for a very good reason. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. Trying to tell her that you’re not good enough for her is just a cop out. If you find that you’d rather throw your wife away, then you need to man up and tell her the truth. She doesn’t deserve baloney. But understand that your life with your ex might not be all there is to be cracked up about. Good luck.
Anxiety and depression are no different than any other sickness. If you got Cancer, you wouldn’t want her to give up on you and leave if you were sick. If she is unhappy enough, she will leave. I know this from experience. My wife has some of the same problems you are, and I stick with her because I love her. Your wife will stay with you out of love, and will have bad days, but she will get the hell out if it is TOO hard for her.
Maybe she understands a little word called “Commitment”.
Keep up with therapy and why don’t you tell her how you feel about it? Perhaps she does have some anger and resentment, it is only natural, but if you talk WITH (notice I did NOT say TO) each other then the two of you can begin communicating better.
You need to tell her all of this and see how she feels about it. Find out what she wants. If she really loves you she will work with you and find solutions to the problems and different ways to deal with the issues so you two can live happily together.
Get some counseling. Meds won’t fix the problem if there’s something in your background causing your behavior.
It’s admirable that you want to do right by your wife, but at the same time it sounds like you want to take the easy way out rather than deal with your problem.
Maybe she is happy with you and loves you and is willing to go thru thick and thin, good times and bad with you….she is choosing you !!
You say she would be happier and deserves someone better than you, but she is choosing you, so she is where she wants to be.
Be happy for that. Count your blessings ~
have you tried talking to someone about this. maybe a good therapist could help you. if you don’t want to hurt her anymore then don’t suggest that she find someone else. If she is willing to stay with her then you should be thankful and do what ever it takes to resolve the problem. Lots of luck!