My girlfriend and I have been together almost a year, and we have lived together for about 9 months. We have gone through a lot, most notably she has cheated on me twice and I have forgiven her twice. She is still a bit secretive with her phone, but I do not worry. Because honestly if she does it again, I’m out like a trout with the gout. BUT. When we first started dating, she told me she was not looking for a father figure for her oldest son (she was pregnant when we first started dating, NOT with mine) because his dad is still in his life. They have a parenting plan and whatnot, which is cool. I do not have any kids of my own, and I am not very experienced with kids, but I love my girlfriend very much, so I wanted to be more involved with her kids. The baby is now born, and he is the easiest baby on the planet I think, but her oldest is terrible. He is spoiled, gets everything he wants and throws fits at the slightest disappointment. He treats his mom like ****, he is bad at daycare hitting other kids and throwing toys, and my girlfriend REFUSES to discipline him. He also has a tv in his room and gets to watch movies and have dessert every day. I was not raised this way, but now my girlfriend expects me to be like a father and gets mad when I am not always nice and playful with him even when he is bad. Worse, I think that since I do not really like her son it is causing me to fall out of love with her because of how he has been raised. Should I run?
I guess I never thought of it like that, that I am interfering with his relationship with his mom. We as a couple I think are relationship material, but I think I am just not what is best for her kids. And she has kind of moved him around quite a bit. The ten months that we’ve lived together is the longest she’s been with one guy since she and her oldest’s dad were together. Guess I have some more thinking to do. The hardest part is, we have a lease together and I am afraid of breaking it.
I guess I never thought of it like that, that I am interfering with his relationship with his mom. We as a couple I think are relationship material, but I think I am just not what is best for her kids. And she has kind of moved him around quite a bit. The ten months that we’ve lived together is the longest she’s been with one guy since she and her oldest’s dad were together. Guess I have some more thinking to do. The hardest part is, we have a lease together and I am afraid of breaking it.
6 Answers
Here’s another way to look at the situation. You are ruining that kid’s relationship with his mother. Besides the fact that neither of you are relationship material, you offer no value in this child’s life. It is quite obvious to me that the child’s behavioral issues stem from the instability in his home environment. If you lack the maturity to being that stabilizing element, then yes, you should bail out immediately.
I agree do not blame the child. the child is only doing what is okay from the parents. if all parents are not on the same page, the child will continue to act out ect. I think because you were raised a certain way you have expectations for the mothers parenting, but she has been raising her child the way it works for her. the best thing you can do is maybe talk to your girlfriend about disciplining the child more, taking a TV out of the child’s room, eating less junk ect. but in the end its the mothers decision weather or not she feels that she is willing to implement and enforce new rules in her child’s life. As for you running it depends on how much you are willing to take in the relationship before you have enough. you will know when your done a relationship you wont be asking, you will just be done.
Don’t blame it on the kid. Obviously your girlfriend is the main problem here. She cheated on you twice and she’s showing that she’s a pretty bad/clueless parent. I don’t think you have a future together.
That’s terrible, man! I know how it feels when a girl is your whole world. Contrary to the popular belief, you CAN, in fact, control other people, but not directly. You have to manipulate them. At this point, outside of professional help, you’d have to use your gf a messenger. Since her father won’t listen to you, you’ll have to get someone who they WILL listen to and get that person talk to them directly. Have your gf ask her father something to this effect: Why do you not like <insert your name here>? Plus, she’s 21! She can move out as a legal adult and there’s nothing they can legally do about it. her parents might think you’re after her simply for her money, which isn’t true. You have to get HER to prove that you’re not in the relationship for the money. If that strategy doesn’t work, get professional help to get past that thick skull of his. Beyond that, I don’t think there’s anyone on this site that can help you… I hope it goes well for you!
I totally understand your story is almost identical to mine. I love my gf but cant stand her demonic four year old. Its gotten really bad and splitting up seems ultimately inevitable. The only difference between u and I is that I hav a nine month old son with my gf which makes leaving harder. She sticks up for her bratty kid no matter what he does and im always the villain cuz im the one trying to keep order and sanity in the house despite the tantrums and the extreme defiance and ADHD that consumes every second of this kids behavior. Forget the ppl on here telling you its your fault.its not. There not the ones who see the **** kids do to you and your relationship with the mom. Its easy to blame you and say its all your fault but in reality its your gfs fault for spoiling the kid and its the kids fault for being a brat and not recognizing that ADULTS ARE THE BOSSES AND KIDS ARE TO OBEY THEM. When did parents lose their balls and these roles get reversed? Its insane. Keep your head up.
Yep run. But it is a question of what you really want.