I think my step dad is cheating on my mom! please help!!?

hello, I am kevin, and I am 17 and a senior in high school. I’m Earlier tonight I was playing games on my phone and my 4 year old brother was playing games on my step dads phone and he opened the messages and there were a bunch of messages from a woman who was not my mom and they were always calling eachother baby and telling eachother how pretty/hansome eachother were, and there were messages that said, “I’m on my way to see you” and others like that. I think my step dad works with this woman that he was talking to. There was a lot of messages. I would say a couple of days worth. I don’t know if I should tell my mom about it and tell her to check his phone or just not say anything. My mom has two kids with him, one is 2 years old and the other is 4 years old.

My step dad drinks a lot and is also bipolar. There was a huge fight not with him, my mom and I because he was really mad because I didn’t have a job because I play sports and he told me that he hated me and that I am not part of his family. He can not handle the kids, so when my mom needs to do something, he goes and hangs out with his friends while I stay home and watch the kids. He is not a very good father in my opinion. I don’t know what to do! Should I tell her, or should I not say anything? My mom deserves so much better! Please help!!!!!

8 Answers

  • ?
    9 days ago

    At this point since you saw the messages as proof, and you obviously love your mother, for her OWN well being, you need to tell her. She will be glad you snooped in the end. Show her before he deletes them!!! It doesnt matter if you shouldnt have looked through his phone! How did she not see the messages?? Me and my hubby look through each others phone all the time, whenever we want! Its not being insecure its just not “hiding anything”.

    Tell your mom NOW before she gets hurt anymore. She deserves to know.

    SHOW her the phone otherwise she might not believe you and think you are making it up!!

    EDIT- I answred before I read ALL of your question. Because I am impatient. And I just have to say your step dad seems like an a$$hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Especially if he said those things to you! Listen, if you dont tell your mom, you are basically on his side, doing HIM a favor. Tell him! Get his butt caght up!!

    @Sohpeib: What you said MAY be true about how he shouldnt meddle BUT…..it is his mother and he should atleast confront her about it and atleast see if she knows about this situation going on. Okay so say his mother does know and she and the step father have agreed on him choosing sex elsewhere???…….but, what if not? What if she has no idea?

    It doesn’t matter if hes bringing in the checks! No woman deserves to get played! Ever!!!!!! If she stays just for the money she is a gold digger anyways!

    Dylan, dont listen to that poster ^^

  • Patricia
    9 days ago

    Ordinarily, i would tell a boy who was concerned about a parent cheating to mind his own business and let the parents work it out. But in this case, i’m going to say that you need to give your mom the phone, ask her to sit down. Tell her that you feel she is being deceived and treated unfairly. You can tell her you suspect her husband is involved with someone else.

    This isn’t going to be easy for your mom… and perhaps even worse for you.

    The man she’s married to may be bipolar but he does have a brain and knows right from wrong, and that marriage means commitment to one person.

    Yes i agree your mom deserves so much better, and i think you can let her know she does.

    I’m really sorry because i know this has to be the most difficult decision of your life. I’m thinking of you and truly sorry.

  • Anonymous
    9 days ago

    Wow. I feel for you. You should tell her. He could be exposing her to stds. That is enough of a reason all by itself. If she chooses to stay that is her choice but at least then she is making an informed decsission. Don’t expect her to accept it right away. Sometimes it takes a bit to sink in and to accept the truth. Good Luck. You sound like a great kid. You might all be better off without him anyway.

  • ?
    9 days ago

    Dear Kevin, by all means, gently tell your mom what you saw. She has a right to know what is happening with her husband. Hopefully your step father has not erased his messages by now, but tell your mom to check the telephone. I hope she does not confront him without hard evidence in hand, as he will most likely tell her that you are retaliating against him.

    I’m sorry your family is going through this. I wish you all the best. ….tell her tonight.

  • Dark Betty
    9 days ago

    Be alone with your mom and take it slowly to show the real evidence. It’s best to be honest, but remain calm about it. Tell her that you’re on her side and support her. If you feel you want to be left out when she talks to her husband, tell her that. Talk things out, because it will get worse if it is continues with the cheating. Be honest and tell her all the facts to the real things he has done.

    No mother puts their children last. Always the firsts over anything. She will listens to you about this situation.

    You’re almost 18 and you should be able to help out your mom. You’re capable of babysitting, probably help out make dinner, and all.

    Like they say, what goes around, comes around.

  • sophieb
    9 days ago

    Granted your mom deserves a lot better but he’s bringing in a paycheck that she needs to help with the kids. If he left the home it would be a lot more difficult for him to pay for the kids. Maybe she knows already but is keeping it quiet (or maybe he would get mean or worse). So I’d say keep your mouth shut. Don’t put it past your mom since women have that sixth sense and she either suspects it already or she and he have decided for him to go look elsewhere for sex, sometimes that happens in a marriage. You never know what happens in marriages, and it’s not your business to meddle.

  • Lady J
    9 days ago

    I think you should tell her dont tell her your that you dont like your step dad just tell her the facts that way she knows you arent just saying it becuas you are mad or something

  • Anonymous
    9 days ago

    Your mom will find out sooner or later.

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